Honey, I Shrunk My Pubis

... only because when we would go shopping at the A & P, it would get in the way, knocking over the little boxes of golden raisins.

... and soon, because we were forced to buy the boxes of golden raisins we (or I) had knocked over, we had lots and lots of golden raisins.

... far too many golden raisins to eat, and we didn't really have the presence of mind to sell them or even give them away to passing children; therefore, they rapidly reached a horrifying state of decay.

... which only served to (mysterious as it may seem) make the problem worse. That is, my pubis got bigger. The bigger it got, the more boxes of golden raisins were -- well, you get the idea. And there were lots of ants, which were difficult to keep off of my mushrooming pubis.

... and honey, that's why I shrunk my pubis.

Does this tragic scenario seem all too familiar? Are you ready to retreat to the family laboratory downstairs and take the ultimate step of SHRINKING YOUR PUBIS?

Consider this unsolicited testimony, from a real customer:

"After reading your website I was still skeptical that anything could be done about the heartrending expansion of my wife's mons Veneris, which made it nearly impossible for us to enjoy stock-car racing as we had done in the past. Creams did nothing for the problem; unguents were even worse. Instead of being stopped dead in their tracks by my wife's colossal pubis, the cars merely slipped around helplessly. Needless to say the thrills were diluted! That's why your easy-to-follow plan was so welcome to us. Thank you!!

— A Real Customer